Tales from the Korean Apartment/Hotel-like Crypt: Week 2: Steak and Coffee, new Coffee Steak!: More Television than your body has room for.

There is an ad on TV for Korean outback steakhouse right now. The ad consists of a woman accidentally pouring coffee on her steak when a guy walks past. Then cuts to both of them enjoying some fine coffee-coated accident-steak. Finally they cut to the punchline: Yes, really. You can now order coffee-steak at Korean version of outback steakhouse.

Normal TV here consists of the following channels in my hotel:

  • Channel 26: The Game Show Channel.

This channel plays nothing but completely incompressible reality or game show fare. This is simultaneously the most immediately appealing channel to watch and later, the least.

One morning Channel 26 had a game/reality show on where the objectives all involved either sports in the dirt at some construction site with a digger in the background. Or, attempting to knock dirt off of a table without knocking down the lightsaber toy in the middle. Kind of like a hobo’s version of Jenga. Though I doubt the hobo would have batteries or a lightsaber toy. If anyone on this list knows a hobo, please let me know how they play Jenga.

Presumably only higher-order species play Jenga, like gorillas, dolphins, whales and humans. Real hobos may be excluded from it.

Otherwise, this channel plays the standard incomprehensible, but more normal, in-studio game shows. The other day one had contestants sitting a chair, getting quizzed by the host, placing a strange black pillow over their faces, and then giving the answer to the initial question. Everyone in the studio audience claps, and is happy. I am, however, bored with this channel now and ready to switch to…

  • Channel 17: The Korean Historical-Drama Channel

This channel is probably the most interesting just because I keep thinking there might be something to learn from it, but, no, there really isn’t anything of substance. Just Korean dudes in funny hats fighting and getting angry at their local park every ten minutes. I can only assume that this is really the Korean live-action equivalent of Dragon Ball Z due to the regularity in the script of both fighting and grunting. I assume this channel is popular because it actually has decent production values and is the only channel on which I’ve seen computer generated graphics. Outside of subtitled American films on…

  • Channel 22: The American Action Film/NCIS/Law and Order Channel

Ah, blessed sanity for the weary traveler. When I get home from work, this is the channel I tune to. The LCD television may be 17 hectares diagonal at best count. It may only display 480i. The shows may all have weird hieroglyphics at the bottom of the screen. But this is the only real channel for English-speaking, god fearing, real Americans. Whenever I watch this channel I can’t help but feel home-sick for SUVs (they have jeep ads during every commercial break)


Please note that the title of the previous post was a reference to Parappa the Rappa, not suggesting that genocide is an actual option while you are experiencing culture shock.

Author: Jack Slater

A Philadelphian living in Hawaii. You can follow or contact me on Twitter where I'm @TimeDoctor, via the contact page, or via e-mail to zjs@zacharyjackslater.com. Find out more about Nuclear Monster here.

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