The 23rd scroll, 9th verse, of the ancient texts says:
Beware the beast man, for he is the devil’s pawn. Alone among God’s primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother’s land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him. Drive him back into his jungle lair: For he is the harbinger of death.
In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey, a monkey with an idea for a new game franchise. So, tonight as I watched my second favorite (see below post) film, I realized that an opportunity for game development was staring me right in the face.
The film, if you have not guessed it, is the legendary Planet of the Apes and the idea is two-fold.
Firstly, I think that a Planet of the Apes Massive Multiplayer Game is just what the internet needs. This game will be the prime place for geeks, the obese, shut-ins, the handicapped, dystopians, and the general Comic Book Store Guys of the world to flex their ape-might against that irritating group known as humanity. The same folks who belittled us er people in High School and picked up all of the mute women (hereafter Nova’s) that were meant for us.
When you sign up, for a mere $40 a month, you too will have your choice of player classes including:
- Chimpanzee: these are the intelligentsia, by varying degrees, all mimicking the five films, from physician to scientist, theologian, and young activist.
- Gorilla: grunt, military, street cleaner, and orange-jumpsuit clad revolutionary.
- The Scum Of Future Earth (sssh, don’t blow the ending) human (mute slave, talking slave, oppressor, and turtleneck-sporting liberal). Word of warning for human chars; watch out for the dreaded lobotomist!
Imagine varying game environments from muddy beaches, to straw huts, and the desolate concrete jungles of future-Los Angeles. Depending on which server you log onto, you will face new challenges based on one of the film environments.
You will encounter familiar faces from the movie as you play the game. Everyone from Cornelius to Dr. Zaius, Taylor, and the greatest of them all, General Urko will either aid-in, or stymie, your quest to be top dog (or ape).
Secondly, that been said, perhaps the M.M.O. arena is a bit too overdone. How about we go the Lego Planet of the Apes route? All of the classic film series are doing it (Star Wars, Batman, Indiana Jones), why not the second greatest (see below post) of them all?!? I love you Dr. Zaius!
- MGS4 “Steel” Bundle 40GB PS3 exclusive from Konami… $600!?!? WTF This thing probably doesn’t even have backwards compatibility with the PS2!
- MGS4 Goes Gold, Includes iPod and Playboy Brands: Great, it’s gold. I just hope that playboy stuff is merely swimsuit style so they don’t get in trouble.
- 5 New Screenshots: Yawn.
- Metal Gear Online Beta: I played it, it’s fun. Yes it isn’t perfect. Yes it requires multiple logins to be created. Yes the controls still aren’t great. Yes snapping necks as Solid Snake when everyone else is generic militiaman or genome soldiers is the best multiplayer experience I’ve had recently.